On November 14, 1894 in the Great Church of the Winter Palace the wedding ceremony of the Russian Emperor Nicholas II and future Impress Alexandra Feodorovna took place. This marriage was not just a formality, for spouses it was an important component of their life purpose. Alexandra Feodorvna’s notes relating to the marriage and family and reflecting her vast love and sorrow experience confirm this. We propose to our readers some of Impress Alexandra Feodorovna’s notes.

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1. The purpose of a marriage is joy giving. This means that the married life is the most happy, full, clear and rich one. That’s God’s determination of perfection.

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2. The wedding day should always be remembered and especially distinguished among other important dates of life. This is a day, the light of which will illuminate all other days for life. The joy of marriage conclusion is not demonstrative, but deep and quite. Angels leaned and gave with gentle vocals over a matrimonial altar, when the spouses’ hands are joined together and saint vovs are made. Then these angels shade the happy couple with their wings, when their joint life journey starts.

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3. By the fault of those who have married (one or both), the married life may become a disaster. The possibility of being happy in marriage is very high, but one can’t forget about possibility of its collapse. Only proper and wise married life enables achieving ideal matrimonial relations.

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Цесаревич Николай Александрович и принцесса Алиса Гессенская после помолвки (Кобург, апрель 1894)

Tsarevich Nikolai Alexandrovich and Princess Alisa Алиса Gessenskaya after engagement (Coburg, April 1894)

4. First lesson, which should be learned and executed, is tolerance. At the beginning of family life both advantages of a character and disadvantages and peculiarities of habits, tastes, characters, about which a spouse even has not suspected, are revealed. Sometimes it seems that it’s impossible to accommodate to each other, that constant and desperate conflicts are inevitable. But tolerance and love overcome everything, and two lives run into one, more honorable, strong, meaningful, rich, and this life will continue in peace and solace.

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5. One more secret of happy family life is attention to each other. Wife and husband must constantly demonstrate the most tender and filled with love attentions. The happiness of life consists of separate minutes, little, quickly forgettable pleasures: of kisses, smiles, kind looks, hearty compliments, many little, but kind thoughts and sincere feelings. Love also must be fed by her daily bread.

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6. Be afraid of even negligent misunderstanding or cooling in relations. Instead of controlling yourself, you often say some unconsidered stray words that lead to a crack between two hearts that used to be a united body. Then this crack is getting wider and wider until they are completely separated for ever and ever. Have you said something in a hurry? Apologize immediately. Have you got any misunderstanding? No matter whose fault it is, don’t allow this misunderstanding stay between you even for an hour

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7. Every family member should be involved in home improvement. And complete family happiness may be achieved when everybody honestly fulfills their obligations.

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Николай II Александра Федоровна в часы досуга

Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna in leisure hours

8. When the face beauty is passing, light in the eyes goes out, some wrinkles appear with getting older, or disease, grief, worries leave marks on face, love of a faithful husband should remain as deep and sincere as before. It’s impossible to measure the depth of Christ’s love for His Church, and no mortal being is able to love so deeply. But nevertheless every husband must do it to the extent, in which this love can be repeated on earth. No sacrifice will be too big for his love.

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9. Every wife should know that when she is at a loss or has some difficulties, she will find a safe and quiet shelter in her husband’s love. She must know that he will understand her, treat with her very delicately and use his power to protect her. She should never hesitate that in any her difficulties he will, surely, sympathize. She shouldn’t be afraid of meeting indifference or criticism, when she asks him for protection.

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10. An honest wife does not need to be a “poet’s dream”, “beautiful picture”, or a cloud-built creature, to touch which is scary. She just should be a healthy, strong, pragmatic, hardworking woman, who can perform family-related obligations. And after all she should has a beauty given to a soul with a higher and noble goal.

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11. Some wives think only of romantic ideals, but neglect their daily duties and don’t strengthen, therefore, their family happiness. It often happens when the most tender love dies, and the reason for this is disorder, negligence, and poor housekeeping.

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12. No treasures of the world can offset the loss of incomparable treasures – own children. Something is given often by God, but something — only once. The seasons come and go, new flowers bloom, but youth never comes twice. Only once the childhood with all its possibilities is given. Quickly do your best to beautify it.

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13. Parents should be such people, which they want their children to be. Not in words, but in deed. They should teach their children giving them the example of their own lives.

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14. The spirit writes its own story on the body.

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15. As long as the parents are alive, the child always remains a child and must treat his/her parents with love and respect. The love of children to their parents is expressed in full confidence in them. All that a child is interested in is important for a true mother. She willingly listens about his/her adventures, joys, disappointments, achievements, plans and fantasies, as other people listen with pleasure to some romantic stories.

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16. Parents sometimes are too concerned about some situations or give irrational and annoying instructions or criticisms. But sons and daughters must agree that the reason of all this excessive care is deep concern about them.

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12. No treasures of the world can offset the loss of incomparable treasures – own children. Something is given often by God, but something — only once. The seasons come and go, new flowers bloom, but youth never comes twice. Only once the childhood with all its possibilities is given. Quickly do your best to beautify it.

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13. Parents should be such people, which they want their children to be. Not in words, but in deed. They should teach their children giving them the example of their own lives.

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14. The spirit writes its own story on the body.

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15. As long as the parents are alive, the child always remains a child and must treat his/her parents with love and respect. The love of children to their parents is expressed in full confidence in them. All that a child is interested in is important for a true mother. She willingly listens about his/her adventures, joys, disappointments, achievements, plans and fantasies, as other people listen with pleasure to some romantic stories.

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16. Parents sometimes are too concerned about some situations or give irrational and annoying instructions or criticisms. But sons and daughters must agree that the reason of all this excessive care is deep concern about them.

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Император и Императрица читают телеграммы с пожеланиями выздоровления цесаревича наследника Алексея

The Emperor and Empress read telegrams with good wishes of Tsarevich Alexei’s recovery

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17. Hard work, difficulties, worries, self-sacrifice and even grief become irrelevant, less obscure and severe when they are mitigated with tender love, like cold, bare, tower rocks become beautiful when wild vines wrap them with their green garlands, and daintith flowers fill all the grooves and cracks.

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18. Sooner or later, a bitter experience comes into the life of every family. That’s an experience of suffering. There may be years of cloudless happiness, but there will certainly be some troubles. A stream that has moved for so long in bright sunlight through winter meadows among flowers, like a merry rill, goes deeper, darkens and dives into a gloomy gorge or cascades as a waterfall.

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19. Nobody knows what holy sacrament takes place in a baby whose destiny is to live on this earth for an hour only. But he/she does not live it for nothing. In this short hour this baby can do more and make more invaluable contribution than others make for many years of living. Many children bring their parents to a holly way of Christ with their death.

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20. There is a grief that hurts even more than the death. But the God’s love is able to turn any trial into a blessing.